In relationship building activities, making that first connection, or simply getting to know someone better, starts with effective information gathering.  The best way to accomplish this is to learn how to ask great, probing, intelligent, and stimulating questions.

When presented with this information and suggestion, many struggle with the questions to ask.  Or, when others start to brainstorm the types of questions to ask, they sound more like a police interrogation.  In a great blog post by Chris Brogan, he suggests being prepared for intellectual, probing conversations by “carrying your questions around with you.”  To understand the details behind this thought, I suggest you read his post.

His blog post reminds me of some very important lessons I like to share about the art of the question:

1. Questions best asked are open-ended.  When you ask someone questions that begin with who, what, when, where, why, and how, you are likely to get an answer with more than a yes or a no.
2. Demonstrate you heard what someone said before diving into the next question.  Play back a little of what you heard and use that as a transitional place to go for more information.
3. Practice asking questions. The reason most people have trouble asking questions, is they have never thought about the types of questions to ask.  Think back to your most recent conversation, think about the questions you could have asked the other person in response to the information they were providing.
4. Learn in order to know and understand.  All information comes to us and is heard by us through our contextual filters.  When you say something to me, I hear it for what I know, understand, and believe.  You say it based on what you know, understand and believe.  That means, the same collection of words does not mean the same thing to us.  When someone tells you something, find ways to have them explain it to you further so that you know and understand what they meant.  This is where communications break down.  You say one thing, I heard something else–now we have inadvertently messed up our communication.  Great probing and investigative learning and understanding questions help avoid these mistakes.

The art of conversation is how effectively you engage others in conversation.  My rule is the more they communicate and share, the more I learn, understand and know.  It is the best place to begin building that future relationship.

Dave Cooke is CEO of Strategic Resource Group, llc an organization specializing in helping businesses increase their revenues through effective growth initiatives and employee development programs. His contributions and insights can be found on his blog posts, SalesCooke and Sustainable Revenues.  He has also developed a new program for sustainable revenues in a down economy, known as SuRF.  To download this case study go to: SurfWhitePaper.com.